


If it Makes You Happy - KuroKen

by wiredsunset



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:48:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21797131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wiredsunset/pseuds/wiredsunset
Summary: It's the last few months of the year and Kenma wants to make the most of hanging out with his friend before he leaves for University, it seems, however, that the universe is not on his side.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Kudos: 79





	If it Makes You Happy - KuroKen

Twilight hung loosely around the horizon, casting the room in a light purple glow. Kenma tapped away on his game boy, wrapped in his duvet cover, which was almost like a cocoon to him. He felt safe there and didn’t want to leave. His best friend had his legs dangling off the bed and his face in a book. Kenma assumed it was for homework, seen as he had never seen him read an actual book.

“Hey kitten~” Kuroo chirped from his position, not taking his eyes off of his book. The nickname caused Kenma to outwardly cringe, but on the inside a wave of electricity shot through him. He didn’t know when he started to get these feelings, but it was evident that he had them. To himself at least. He couldn’t stare at his friend for longer than a few seconds and his skin would begin to prickle every time he stood even semi close to him.

“I told you not to call me that.” The setter mumbled, pulling the blanket around him more tightly.

“Okay, kitten, do you want to go for a walk or something.” The larger boy said turning his gaze up towards his friend.

“Not exactly. It’s cold outside.” Kenma said, trying to bury himself deeper in the blanket, but Kuroo had already stood up and swiped his game off of him.

“Please, I’ve got something to show you. I know how you always complain that you can’t see the stars because of the light pollution, I’ve found a really great spot to see them. Plus I can keep you warm if you want.” He said with a grin, pulling the blanket from around Kenma’s shoulders.

There he goes again, sending Kenma’s emotions into a spiral and his head spinning. It felt as if he knew which buttons to press. It didn’t help that Kenma knew he was into guys as well. He knew even before they started high school, Kuroo entrusted him with the information because they were best friends. How, after all these years was Kenma supposed to confess how he felt. 

“Okay fine. But only if you get me a hot chocolate on the way back.” The setter said getting off of the bed and pulling a jacket on. He scrunched up his face as Kuroo pulled a scarf around his head. 

“Cant have our genius setter getting a cold before our big match with Fukurodani next week.” He said with a wink and pushed Kenma out the door.

“Bye mama, where going for a walk!” Kuroo called to his mom, who waved back with a smile.

“Make sure you’re not out too long!” She said kindly.

They stepped out into the cool night air and began to walk in silence, Kuroo had a grin plastered on his face as they walked, a slight spring in his step. He always did this when he managed to get Kenma out of his cave and into the real world, and to be honest, Kuroo was the only one he would do it for. Tucking his chin into his scarf he followed along behind Kuroo as he skipped about the place.

They walked for a while in silence, before Kuroo sparked up a conversation about their friends, Akaashi and Bokuto. Spilling all the tea on how Bokuto was madly in love with his setter. Kenma chuckled lightly as Kuroo went on and on about them, and the conversation managed to get them all the way to the park.

“C’mon then, were nearly there.” He said, reaching out for Kenos wrist and taking off in a run. Kenma could keep up with him easy enough and as they dodged all the icy patches on the path, Kenma began to actually enjoy himself properly.

A short run later and a tarps through some bushes, they finally made it to a clearing with a hill in it. Kuroo dragged Kenma to the top and pointed upwards.

“Look!” He exclaimed and Kenma looked up, instantly entranced by the colours flowing through the sky. So many stars dotted the air. It was beautiful, something he missed often, living so close to the city. If only he could see the way Kuroo was looking at him.

“How’d you find this place?” Kenya asked, finally turning his gaze back to his friend who was now settled on the ground looking up at the sky.

“Bokuto took me here once, when we were trying to get away from all those girls that chase us around.” He said with a wink.

“Sure sure.” Muttered Kenma as he sat down beside his friend.

“I’ll miss this next year.” Kuroo said with a sad smile.

“Miss looking at the sky? I thought you were staying in Tokyo?” Kenma said cocking his head to the side. He desperately wanted to avoid this conversation, it hurt to think that they’d be separated again for an entire year. 

“No you idiot, I’ll miss hanging out with you.”

“Can we not talk about this please.” Kenma whispered, visibly nervous and staring at his hands. 

“Hey! It’s okay. I promise I’ll call you every day.” Kuroo said.

“It won’t be the same.” 

They had grown so close over these past two years, spending nearly all of their spare time together. Of course Kenma has his head in his games most of the time, but that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy hanging out with his best friend.

“Yeah but I’ll only be an hour away. And then you’ll join me! Time will go fast, I promise.” Kuroo said softly, Kenma looked up, hoping to meet his eyes, but he was staring off into the distance, his eyes looked just as sad as his own was.

The night flew by after that and he ended up at his own house again. 

He felt overwhelming sad and happy at the same time, but they still had a month together and Kenma promised himself that he would let Kuroo know how he felt before he left. 

Kenma had struggled with his feelings for years, ever since Kuroo came out to him he had questioned his feelings towards the same gender. 

Only 5 people in total knew, Yaku and Akaashi knew because at the start of last year he had a break down about it during summer training camp. They were both very sweet and helpful to him, making him feel accepted. This gesture helped him come out to his parents and younger sister, thankfully, all of them had been accepting of him also. He couldn’t have asked for a better family.

But something about coming out to Kuroo made him feel like he was drowning and that he couldn’t reach the surface despite how hard he struggled. Kenma knew he wouldn’t care and he wouldn’t judge him, he’d probably be the most accepting out of everyone.. but for some reason it was the scariest.

Kenma: yaku  
Kenma: I’m having a dilemma.

Yaku: oh? What is it now? You die in your video game?

Kenma could basically hear his friend chuckling through the phone.

Kenma: please I’m only messaging you because Akaashi is already asleep.

Yaku: what is he, an old man?  
Yaku: so what is it?

Kenma: I seriously think 

Kenma paused, before continuing to type, he needed to get this off his chest.

Kenma: I seriously think I’m in love with Kuroo.

Yaku: o shit that is a dilemma.

Kenma: yeah you think?  
Kenma: so what should I do about it?  
Kenma: I cant just confess to him what if I ruin our friendship, what if he hates me forever.  
Kenma: like I can’t imagine my life without him.

Kenma stared at his screen for a moment, waiting for Yaku to reply, he could see that he was active in the chat but he wasn’t replying.

Kenma: Yaku?

Yaku: Kens, I’m so sorry.

Kenma: huh? Why?

Yaku: I’m hanging out with Lev and Yamamoto and Yamamoto was reading over my shoulder and grabbed my phone. I couldn’t stop him.

Kenma: stop him from doing what?

Yaku: I’m so sorry. He told everyone. Lev managed to wrestle my phone off of him but it was too late. Please don’t hate me

Kenma: it’s okay, it’s not your fault 

Kenma let his phone slip from his hand and fall to the floor. His entire body was shaking as he raised his hand to cover the sound of the sobs that came from his mouth. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen, this wasn’t supposed to be how everyone found out. He was supposed to be able to come out on his own terms, not like this.

For a moment, he felt anger towards his friend for being that careless, but he knew it wasn’t his fault. It was his own. He should’ve just stayed hidden, he shouldn’t have expressed his feelings at all. This happens every, single time.

He stared down at his phone as it dinged. Picking it up with shaky hands, he was expecting to see a message from Kuroo saying how much he hated him, but it was from Kai, calling a team meeting. Kuroo replied asking what it was about and the rest of the team apart from Yaku and Lev said that it would be better for him to find out in person. Then Yamamoto messaged a final time.

‘Kenma, you better be there.’

The boy laid back on his bed.

Fuck.

He took a deep breath in.

Why did the universe hate him so much.

He must’ve cried himself to sleep, because the next thing he remembered was waking up to his alarm and the feeling of dread in his stomach, he felt as if he was going to throw up. Wrapping his scarf around his neck tightly he walked out of his room, not caring to check his appearance and headed straight out of the door. He heard his sister and mother calling after him, but he couldn’t turn back around. He felt like he might break into a million pieces and he didn’t want to burden his parents with that. 

Walking out of his gate he was greeted by the sad and sorry faces of Lev and Yaku.

“Kenma, we’re so sorry.” Yaku said reaching forward to give him a hug.

“It’s alright, I promise.” Kenma said accepting the hug, blinking a few tears from his eyes. “Yamamoto has always been a nosy bastard anyway.” Kenma chuckled, trying help them feel better as well.

Lev reached out and clutched his hand. 

“We’re with you till the end buddy. If you need us to come out to them we will too-“ 

“No.” Kenma cut him off.

“Coming out should be your thing. You should decide when to do it, not to please someone else.” Kenma breathed. “Let’s just go and get this over with, yeah?” He asked walking ahead slightly, but the two ran up to him on either side. He smiled a bit, glad that they supported him at least, but dread creeped in again. He wondered what was going to happen when they got to the gym.

When they reached morning practice, Yaku and Lev walked through the doors first, and Kenma followed behind them quietly.

“Took you long enough, we figured you weren’t going to show.”

Kenma looked around the gym, Kuroo nor the coaches were here yet. Thank god.

“Just get it over it.” Kenma said softly looking up as the rest of the team got up to stand in front of him.

“Is it true? What you said to Yaku?” Yamamoto asked, as if he hadn’t seen the text messages with his own eyes. Pushing Lev and Yaku to the sides, separating them and exposing Kenma to the rest of the group. Kenma swallowed hard before nodding.

“Yes, it is.” Kenma said almost defiantly, he wasn’t going to lie, they knew. But that slight trace of defiance left him immediately when Yamamoto’s fist connected with his jaw, he felt himself fall to the ground, and his vision cloud from the tears that threatened to spill any minute. 

“How can you say that like you’re proud of it!” The Spiker yelled, his voice echoing around the gym. Lev and Yaku both tried to run to Kenma’s aid, but were held back by other members of the team. Yamamoto stood over him, yelling something but Kenma had tuned out, because a the large silhouette of his best friend now stood in the doorway. 

Fuck, fuck fuck fuck. He was done for now.

“Why are you so la-“ Yamamoto said looking up at Kuroo, but was cut off when the captain shoved the Spiker away from Kenma.

“What the fuck is going on here?” He shouted, standing protectively in front of his best friend who scrambled to his feet.

Yamamoto laughed. “You wanna know what’s going on? Your best friend there, is into dudes.” He said pointing an accusing finger at the setter. Kuroo didn’t even turn around to look at Kenma, speaking as if he already knew.

“Oh it’s not that big of a fucking deal Yamamoto.”

“There’s no place on this team for people like.... like THAT!” He shouted the rest of the team nodding behind him. Kenma could almost hear the shit-eating grin plastered on Kuroos face.

“Well then I guess I-“ he started, but Kenma wouldn’t have any of that.

“NO!” He shouted cutting Kuroo off, the captain turned to him in shock. “Please don’t. Not for me.” He said quietly. “Please.”

Kuroo reached forward to reassure Kenma that it was fine, when the coaches finally walked in. 

Kenma couldn’t stand it anymore, he turned on his heels and fled from the gym, pushing past both of his coaches. He ran and ran and ran until he reached the hill Kuroo had took him the night before, but this time there was a person sitting at the top, a person whose presence made him feel immediately safe.

“Kenma? Kenma! Hey what’s wrong!” Akaashi called out to him as he collapsed on the ground from exhaustion, clutching the dirt in his fingers, trying to ground himself however he could.

“He found out.” He whispered through breaths. “They all did. They exposed me.” He said sitting up and wrapping his arms around Akaashi.

“I can’t do this any more, Kashi. I hate myself.” He choked out. His friends arms tightened around him protectively. 

“Don’t say that.” He whispered. “Come on, let’s get you home and into a warm bed. It’s going to rain soon.” He said lifting Kenma up slowly and wrapping a reassuring arm around him. 

“Don’t hate yourself, hate the people that made you feel this way.” He said pulling the smaller boy close to him to keep him warm. “You’ve done nothing wrong Kenma.”

Akaashi then walked him home. They walked in silence for the most part, but Kenma managed to tell him what had happened. Akaashi looked mad, but he didn’t remove his arm from around him until they reached his front door.

“Thank you Kashi. It means a lot.”

“Don’t worry. And if I ever see those bastards, I’ll get me revenge for you, okay?” He said running a finger across his friends bruised cheekbone. 

“Don’t get hurt.” Kenma said shutting the door.

“Kenma sweetie? Why are you home..” his mother said but trailed off when she came round the corner and saw the state he was in.

“Oh my baby.” She cooed and brought him in closer for a hug, Kenma began to cry again.

“I wasn’t ready mama. They found out and I wasn’t ready.” He said quietly, hiding his face as his sister peered around the corner.

“It’s okay baby. It’ll be okay. Do you want something to eat?” She asked, pulling out of the hug and stroking his hair lightly.

“I just wanna sleep for now.” He said, touching where his face was sore, he felt a slight tug at his arm and he looked down to see his little sister offering her favourite stuffed animal to him. A cat of all animals.

“Kitty always makes me feel better! Take him!” She insisted and Kenma bent down to her height to thank her before going to his room and shutting the door. He shut the curtains and crawled under the covers, letting his feelings eat him up again. He could hear his phone buzzing. It wouldn’t stop buzzing, but he wasn’t in the mood to answer any texts.

He felt himself slowly slip away into sleep, not knowing that this would be the start of a very bad habit. He didn’t get up to go to school for over two weeks after that, barely eating anything and only getting up to go to the bathroom. 

No matter what he did he just couldn’t feel better. His mother would come in and try to clean up his room or try to help him get out of his slump but he couldn’t feel anything. He was numb. He hadn’t picked up his phone at all, the only device he used was his gaming device. He couldn’t face the world after what had happened to him, could he? The rumour had probably spread around the school. Coach Nekomata was probably waiting for him to get back so he could kick him off the team.

“Kenma?” A voice called from the door, he mom again. “Your friend is here.”

“Tell them to go away.” He called from under the covers.

“Too late!” A kind voice said as they strolled into the room, he could hear his mom quietly thanking him as she shut the door and left. “Kenma? Are you okay. Everyone thinks you’re dead.” 

“Kashi, I’m fine. Please leave.”

Akaashi didn’t take that as an answer though and threw back the covers and opened the windows. He tugged on the younger boys sleeves and checked his wrists and the surrounding areas to make sure the other hadn’t tried to hurt himself or anything.

“Just want to let you know that Kuroo has crashed nearly ALL of my ‘dates’ with Bokuto. He’s a mess, you need to reply to him.” The setter said, wandering around his room cleaning up after the other setter. “Go jump in the shower and brush your teeth please and then we’re going out for lunch.”

“Kashi I don’t think I’m ready to face the world again.” Kenma said sitting up and looking at his hands.

Akaashi walked over and handed his phone to him, smiling at him.

“Not the whole world, just a tiny part of it.” He winked and pushed Kenma up off the bed and towards the bathroom. “Go!” 

Kenma sat in the bathroom, letting the shower just run behind him as he slid his phone open. He had messages from the entire team, messages from Yaku, messages from Lev and even messages from Bokuto. He would check them later, but he wanted to check Kuroo’s first and let him know that he was okay.

Rooroo: Hey, you stormed out pretty quickly, are you okay?  
Rooroo: I’m worried about you please tell me you’re okay.  
Rooroo: I’m sorry they did that to you.  
Rooroo: I gave Yamamoto a very hard punch to the nose for you.  
Rooroo: Kashi just messaged, I’m glad you’re safe, please message me back.  
Rooroo: I know you told us not to, but after you left, me, Yaku and Lev all came out to the team. They shut up pretty quickly. Nekomata also gave them an earful about acceptance. They looked like scared dogs!

Rooroo: Hey.. it’s been a few days.. call me yeah?  
Rooroo: I called your mom, said told me about the state you’re in. I wish you’d let me come and help.

Rooroo: alright. seen as you’re not replying I’m gonna pour my heart out to you and you’re not here to stop me >:)

Kenma paused on this message, the time stamp between this one and the next one was very long. He obviously had sat a typed the next one out for a while. 

Rooroo: Listen here, kitten. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I love the way your eyes light up when you win at your games, or the way you get lost when you’re looking at the stars. I love your long hair and big eyes and the way you’ve always followed along behind me and how you promised to play volleyball with me forever. I love how you get on great with Akaashi and Bokuto and how you actually smile around them. I love how excited you get around Shrimpy-chan and I noticed every little spark in your eyes when you managed to get a point in. I love everything about you. Part of me wants to be happy knowing you feel the same way about me but I know this is not how you would have wanted this to happen, I want to be there for you and try to ease some of the pain you’re going through but all I can offer you is words right now. So hear me when I say this: it’ll get better, I promise. Even if you push me away forever, I’ll always be here. Especially if you need me to beat up some homophobic douchebags. Not having you by my side these last few weeks has been really hard, I feel like I’m missing a piece of myself, but I know you’ll come back when you’re ready.

Kenma smiled. He smiled for the first time in a long time. He clasped his hand around his mouth and shut his eyes, slightly chuckling to himself.

Kenma: you know I’m not good with words but I love you too and thank you. I should’ve checked my phone earlier, that made me feel so much better.

“Kuroo you big idiot.” He said and got to his feet, deciding that he’d be better from now on. Not just for himself but for Kuroo as well.

He shut his phone off and jumped into the shower, the hot water felt good against his skin. Like it was washing off the layers of fear and anxiety that had built up over the past few weeks. He could hear loud chatter outside of the door as he stepped out of the shower, changing into a fresh t-shirt and jeans he grabbed a brush and exited the bathroom, where a hoodie was immediately pulled over his head.

“W-What?” He exclaimed.

“You’ll catch a cold.” Said a familiar voice, Kenma looked up and locked eyes with Kuroo who was grinning like he was a child who had just gotten the toy they wanted for Christmas. Bokuto and Akaashi were sat on Kenma’s bed, in quiet conversation but the two of them were keeping an eye on the other two. So Akaashi hadn’t come alone.

Kenma slipped his arms into the hoodie and pulled the brush through his hair, which was severely knotted from all the days of tossing and turning in his bed.

Akaashi and Bokuto got up and headed towards the door.

“Well let you guys talk for a bit but don’t be too long.” Akaashi said with a smile, beside him Bokuto nodded.

“Please hurry, I’m hungry.” He whined.

Kuroo rolled his eyes as he watched them leave, them turned to Kenma and rugged the brush from his hand.

“Lemme do it, please~” the captain said with a grin and Kenma obliged, sitting on the floor, while Kuroo sat on his bed and ran the brush through his hair ever so gently.

“I thought I told you to leave it alone, why did you tell them?” Kenma asked, thinking back on the texts the Kuroo has sent. “I didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of me. And don’t think I didn’t see that black eye of yours.” The setter said, almost angrily, turning his head to look up at his friend.

“When have I ever done what I was told.” He chirped, leaning down and wrapping his arms around Kenma’s shoulders, pulling him up onto the bed. 

“Are you okay now?” He asked. “Was the sacrifice of my pretty face worth it?” He said more dramatically, pulling Kenma into a hug. Kuroo buried his face in the setters chest, taking him by surprise. 

“I’m okay now.” He whispered, his face flushing slightly. “Though I would’ve preferred the love confession to be a bit more personal on my behalf.” He giggled as he ran his fingers down the back of the captains neck.

Kuroo turned to look up at him. 

“Please that had to be the best love confession I’ve ever seen.” He said with a wink, and slowly pulled Kenma’s face down closer to his.

“I meant what I said in my message, kitten. I love you.” He whispered, Kenma was trying to hard to keep eye contact with Kuroo despite the closeness, he hadn’t noticed Kuroo’s hand move behind his head as he pushed their lips together softly. However Kenma latched his hands behind the taller boys head and refused to let him pull away.

Kenma felt the sides of his lips turn upwards into a smile as he chuckled into the kiss. 

“Breathing is a thing that needs to happen, kitten.” He whispered. Kenma let go of the captain and wiped at his mouth slightly.

“I love you too, Roo.” He said with a tiny smile, which caused Kuroo to blush and hide his face.

“Shall we go to lunch then?” Kenma asked, hovering over Kuroo.

“Yep. Yep. Yep let’s go.” The older boy said pulling Kenma’s hood over his face and tightening the strings. 

“Hey!” Kenma called out in protest, but felt himself being hoisted into the air.

How embarrassing.

“I see you two are finally back to normal.” Bokuto said with a laugh as Kenma was plopped onto the sidewalk, visibly flustered. Akaashi removed the hood from his head and fixed his hair slightly.

Kenma looked up to see his mom and little sister waving down at him as they left, smiling he waved back. He wondered how many people he had been worrying while he was away, isolating himself. How many people did he heart while trying to protect himself. 

He felt himself begin to slip back into a funk again, until a hand wrapped around his shoulder. Kuroo was still engaged in a conversation with Bokuto but he had wrapped his arm tightly around Kenma’s shoulders, almost reminding him that he was still there. Kenma smiled again, and it would be one smile of many to come.


End file.
